"Shit! What did I just do!" Jon covered his mouth with his free hand, hoping beyond hope that his vague wish hadn't been granted. He looked around his room - everything still looked ok. Then he felt his left hand twitch.
Then it twitched again. No, wait, that wasn't his hand. It was coming from the stone he clenched tightly. Jon then heard a muffled sound coming from his fist.
"Urrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh."
What? What was that? Was the stone making noise? The twitching was getting stronger.
"NNNNNGGGGGRRRRRHHGHGHGGGHHHH!!!!!"
Jon slowly loosened his grip, and slowly raised the stone to eye level with his open palm. The rock was moving entirely on its own - rocking back and forth.
"Heeeeehhhhhrrrrrrruuuuuggggghhhh"
The stone was making noises. Jon didn't want to believe it, but it sounded almost like a voice. The stone's rocking and twitching continued, and Jon noticed something else. Cracks were starting to form, and the stone began to grow, unfurling almost like a crumpled piece of paper. Crystalline limbs began to emerge from the cracks, first legs, then arms. The arms and legs moved, then pushed against Jon's hand.
The stone was standing up in the palm of Jon's hand. And a new crack was forming - as Jon looked closely he could tell that this was where the sound was coming from.
"Hheeeeuruuhh. Hrrruuh. Huh. Okay. Hello? 'Ello? Ah! So this is what it feels like to have a mouth. Fascinating!"
Talking. The stone was talking! Jon's jaw dropped, and so did the stone when he pulled his hand away in shock.
"Ow!" The stone shouted, tumbling off the edge of Jon's bed and onto the floor. "That hurt! Oh... wait. No it didn't. Nevermind, still made of rock. Definitely felt that, though. Why'd you drop me!?" It pushed itself up from the floor and stood.
"Y- you're talking! What the hell are you!" Jon's panic intensified as a couple of beady eyes emerged from the cracks on top of the stone's body.
"Why, I'm your stone, my boy. Seems you've brought me to life. Can't say I was expecting that. Can't say I was expecting anything, being absent consciousness and all."
And was that a British accent? Jon was trying to collect himself, but was backing away slowly from the stone.
"Oh, calm down. You're the one who made the stupid wish! It's not like I asked to have a mind of my own. Are you really all that surprised something so odd could happen with an immeasurably omnipotent thaumaturgical artifact?"
"Thauma-what?" Jon asked. He stopped backing up and just stared now.
"It means magical, you clodpate."
Jon now rolled his eyes. This was ridiculous. He stepped closer and stood over his stone, who stared up at him from the floor.
"You've only been alive for 30 seconds. Where the hell did you get that vocabulary!"
"You wished it up, dummy! That's something interesting, isn't it? I find it fascinating, at least."
I brought my wishing stone to life. Great, Jon thought. I guess it could be worse.
"So... do you still grant wishes?"
"Do try to keep up, my boy. Yes, of course! I haven't ceased being the wishing stone, I'm just... more than that now. I have all the powers of the stone."
"Cool. Do I still have to touch you to make wishes?"
"Well that was always just a reflex anyway, anybody who touches me and makes a wish will still get a wish, nothing I can do about that. But..." The Stone paused a moment.
"But what?"
"Patience, young one. I was having an idea. Ooh, that's delightful! I wish I'd had more ideas in my 3,000 years. Where was I... ah, yes! As I was saying, I'll still grant wishes the old-fashioned way. But I don't really need any external input seeing as I have a mind all my own. Hence the idea I was just telling you about."
Great, my inheritance is rambling, Jon thought to himself.
"So what's this idea of yours?"
"Well, seeing as I now possess an immense intelligence in addition to my infinite power, and seeing as how you and your friend Karyn have so far been completely incapable of making anything close to a responsible wish, I figured I might as well do the work for you. You won't even need to ask me for wishes, I'll go ahead and give you what you want."
"What?! How? Don't tell me you can read my mind!"
"God, are you really that daft? We've already established that my power is infinite. Of course I can read your mind! And you're lucky I'm in a good mood about having consciousness, otherwise I might not let that 'rambling' comment slide."
Jon wasn't sure this was a great idea. He sure didn't want to worry about what an angry stone might be capable of. He bent down and picked up the rocky imp.
"Hey!" the rock yelled.
"Sorry, I think I made a mistake. Don't take this personally, but I wwwww- I wiiii." Jon cleared his throat. For some reason he was having trouble making a wish. "I wiwiwiwiwiiii- ugh! What gives?"
"Like I said, you can't really be trusted to make a thoughtful wish, can you? So I've taken away your ability to say that word while you're touching me."
"Hey, you can't do that!"
"I can do anything. And I did. Trust me Jon, I'm your stone after all. I'm here to make your life better. Just let me do the work."
Jon really wasn't sure he could, but he also wasn't sure he had any other choice. He sat on his bed and gently placed the stone on the bedside table, where it took a seat and let its crystalline legs dangle off the edge.
"Alright, fine," Jon said. "So what is it I want?"
