Ted looked at the reunited couple with satisfaction. The sight of two bikini-clad women kissing was an odd one, but it was no stranger than anything else he'd seen that day. And the couple was happy, which he supposed was all that matter. Though he was concerned about what these people had said about being on a plane. Had the swaps reached all the way up to an airplane flying overhead? And if so, what happened if the pilot got swapped out? He couldn't worry about that, though; he was on the ground, not up on that plane. The best he could do was get in touch with someone who could notify airlines around the country to divert their planes away from the town's airspace. He made a note to do that as soon as he could.
Something much more immediate caught Ted's attention, however. A voice broke out across the quad, shouting, "Are there any security guards here? Or any police officers?" Ted turned toward the voice and sprinted across the quad, his body did unpleasant things in his skimpy bikini as he ran. (He made a note to go to the gym as soon as he could.)
Reaching the woman who had shouted, Ted said, "I'm a police officer." The woman eyed Ted skeptically, looking at his attire. Ted blushed and tried to cover himself. "I know what I look like, but I'm serious. I'm an officer. Trust me."
"You undercover?" the woman asked.
"Something like that," Ted said. "What's wrong?"
"There's a girl up in McMillan Hall," the girl said, "she's taken her roomate hostage, and she's saying all sorts of crazy things and making weird demands."
"Take me to her," Ted said.
The girl nodded, and they set off across the quad. Shortly they stopped in front of the four-story building Ted remembered as McMillan, and the girl waved a plastic card in front of a panel and opened the door. A moment later they were inside and hurrying up a flight of stairs.
Crouched in a corner in the stairwell, Ted found a young woman in a halter top and shorts rocking back and forth. "Oh God, oh God, oh God," she muttered repeatedly. Ted stopped and knelt down in front of her. "What's wrong?" he said.
The panicked woman looked up at him, a haunted expression in her eyes. "It was the hookers, right? Or was it the strip club? Or did Rachel do this? I'll bet it was Rachel. She always had them freaky powers..."
Ted was having trouble following the woman's train of thoughts. "What are you talking about, miss?" he asked.
"Oh God!" the person in front of Ted cried at the sound of the word "miss", and suddenly Ted realized that this probably wasn't a woman, but rather a man who had switched into a woman's body. "This is karma, right?" the person went on. "That's what this is. This is karma. I died in that fire and I was reincarnated as a chick for all them things I done to women. It's gotta be karma."
"No," Ted said, "it's not karma, and you haven't been reincarnated. You didn't die. You just switched places with this girl. It's been happening all over town, though no one knows why. I'm not really a woman either," Ted said, gesturing at his body. "I'm a man, even though I don't look like one. My name is Ted Stark; I'm a police officer."
"Really?" the man said, as he at last stopped his panicked rocking.
"Yeah," Ted said.
"You're pretty hot," the man said.
Ted frowned. "Thanks, I guess. Look," he said, putting a hand on the man's shoulder, "you should get home. Get safe. Talk to your friends, your family, whatever you have. Things are pretty bad out there; people shouldn't be alone right now."
"I think I'll do that," the man said, rising to his feet. "Thanks, bud." He shook Ted's hand... then slapped him on the butt and walked down the stairs. Ted scowled after him.
"Is that true?" the woman who had been leading him upstairs asked. "What you said? About switching bodies? And you being a man?"
"Yeah," Ted said as they continued to wind their way up the stairwell. "It's all true."
"Man," the woman said. "That actually explains a lot. People have been acting so weird today..." She shook her head. Then she turned to Ted with a smirk. "Must be pretty weird wearing that bikini."
"You have no idea."
At last they reached the top floor, and the woman led Ted around the halls to where half a dozen people were gathered outside a door. One of the people in the small crowed turned toward Ted and said, "Michelle! God, have you heard about Callie?"
"I'm not really Michelle," Ted said as he reached the door. "Though in fact," he said, pointing at the man, "you may be able to help me later. I'm in need of a change of clothes, and you sound like you might know where I live."
"Uhhhh..." the man said blankly. "'Kay."
"Now," Ted said, "what's the situation?"
The man shook his head absently. "It's, uh... it's Callie. She's... she's taken her roommate hostage, and she's saying won't let her go until she's..." Realization dawned suddenly on the man's face. "Wait, you say you're not Michelle?"
"Yeah," Ted said. "And that girl in there is claiming she isn't your friend Callie, right?"
"Yeah," the man said. "It's... I mean... woah."
"You said it," Ted said. He approached the door and said, in the loudest and most authoritative voice he could--though he didn't know how the voice sounded coming out of his current form--"Attention. This is officer Ted Stark of the police department. I--"
"What the fuck?" a woman's voice shireked back. "I told you dopes not to bring in the cops. All right, that's it; I'm killing this bitch."
"No!" Ted shouted. "No, don't! Wait! Stop!"
"And why exactly should I do that?" the woman yelled back.
"Because, uh..." Ted said, fumbling for words, "...because if you kill her, you won't have any leverage, and there's nothing to keep me from coming in and arresting you."
Silence for a moment. Then, "All right. She stays alive... for now. But you better beat it. And I know you probably got more cops parked outside; they better leave, too. I'm not a patient guy; this chick isn't gonna keep her head for long."
"Look," Ted said, "why are you doing this? What do you want?"
"I want my fucking penis back, all right?" the woman shouted. "I'm not a girl. And I don't care what you or that other chick say; this ain't natural and I'm not waiting around for you guys to sait on a bunch of committes and figure out what's what. I wanna be a man again, and pronto."
Ted leaned back against the wall. He'd gone through hostage training, but his training hadn't covered anything like this. Here was a man who was angry and afraid, placed in a situation that Ted had to admit was unpleasant and confusing. The man had a right to be upset, though he was certainly handling things in the worst possible way. Ted sympathized with the man's desire to be a man again; Ted hoped that he himself could get back to his male body as soon as possible. But Tim couldn't give the man that... as far as he knew, no one could. Not yet anyway. But the man seemed prepared to kill to get what Ted couldn't give that, and that made for an incredibly fragile situation.
Quiet voice came from the other side of the door. Ted judged them to probably be the man and the hostage, though he couldn't make out what they were saying. The conversation grew more heated. Then where was scufflng, and... a gunshot rang through building. A crash, a woman's scream... then silence.
Ted felt sick.
