Jon said, "Replomat, what does 'function locked' mean?"
"You do not have authorization to create a living creature."
"How do I get authorization?" Jon asked.
"Authorization denied."
"How do I apply to change that authorization?" Jon insisted.
"Creating living creatures through replication is illegal," the Replomat smoothly replied.
"Well, there you go," said Karyn. "It's illegal and immoral."
Jon pressed, "Replomat, how can I override the function lock?"
"Override denied. You do not have authorization."
"This is frustrating," said Jon. He placed his hand in his pocket.
Karyn leapt on him, grabbing his arm and yanking. "Don't do this!"
"I wish I knew how to override this stupid function lock." The world went fuzzy for a moment, while Jon's brain filled with detailed information about how the Replomat works. His head swam as advanced engineering and programming concepts poured in. He struggled for a moment, mentally flailing about like someone who fell into the ocean but can't swim. He buried his face in his hands and groaned.
Karyn touched Jon's shoulder. "Jon? Are you okay?"
Jon tried to muster the strength to shake his head, but the effort seemed too much to handle, so he just sat still.
"Jon?" Karyn asked again, sounding truly worried now.
The information started clicking into place. It was all there, and it started making sense. The world normalized again. Jon now knew and understood everything about the Replomat, and a lot of other high-tech gadgets besides. His stomach settled down, and his strength returned.
Jon raised his head, and grinned at Karyn. "Oh, yeah," he said. "I'm just fine. And I know how to make the Replomat do anything I want."
"Jon," Karyn began in a reproving tone, but he waved her aside.
"Just a few simple adjustments, that's all," Jon said. "Piece of cake."
"But have you thought about whether you should?" Karyn asked.
Jon grinned devilishly. "Of course I should. I want to prove I can."
Karyn's eyes widened in alarm. "But, I believe you."
"Sorry, Karyn, but this is something I have to do." Jon jumped up like a jack-in-the-box, enthusiasm radiating from his face. He raced out of the room. "Getting tools, be right back!" he called from the hallway.
Karyn bit her fingernail. This was not good. She looked around the room, desperately searching for something, anything, that could stop Jon. She didn't see anything useful. In desperation, she checked under the mattress for dirty magazines to distract him, but found nothing. She messed up the bed in the process.
Karyn considered locking the door, but if Jon couldn't get in, he would probably just find another Replomat in another room, so that was pointless.
As she heard Jon stampeding up the stairs like a herd of elephants, Karyn sank onto the bed and tried to cry. It was a nasty trick, but she had to get his attention somehow.
Jon burst into the room. He made a beeline right for the Replomat, never even glancing in Karyn's direction.
Karyn sniffed loudly a few times. When Jon remained oblivious, she tried a few gasping sobs, louder each time.
Meanwhile, Jon was cooing and murmuring loving phrases to the Replomat as he thrust his arm into the Replomat's innards. He marvelled at the beauty of the machine's parts as his arm penetrated deeper inside, slowly and gently.
Karyn opened the nightstand drawer where she knew Jon kept a Bible in their own reality. He still had one there. Perfect. She threw it at him, hitting him square on the back of the head.
"Ow!" Jon yelled. His free hand flew to the spot where the Bible struck. "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Hello, Jon, I'm still here."
"Yes, you are. And did I say ow?"
"I think we ought to discuss what you're about to do."
"The Replomat doesn't mind."
"I think this is one of the worst ideas you ever had, Jon."
"It's okay, baby, this won't hurt a bit. You'll like it, I promise," Jon said, speaking more to the Replomat than to Karyn.
They heard a definitive click.
"That oughtta do it. See? I told you it would be fine."
Jon withdrew his hand. He closed the panel and began screwing it back up.
"Now the Replomat should do just about anything I ask. Let's test it."
"Jon, you really should think this through first."
"Replomat, I want you to create a female human being! Brown hair, blue eyes, and all other paramenters default settings."
The Replomat whirred for a moment. Then, suddenly, a wailing came from inside the Replomat.
Jon and Karyn looked at each other. "I think you better take her out, Jon," Karyn whispered.
Jon opened the door and stared at a newborn infant. "Oh, shit," he said. "Not YOU, Replomat," he added hastily.
