New author seeking constuctive criticism/advice

Hi everyone, I've added a couple branches to a paticular storyline and would like some input. I know it started out as basically smut but I'm trying to inject a coherent plot into it. Is the direction I went with the branch interesting enough to continue? Are the characters and their interactions in-depth enough or are they too shallow (one-dimensional)? As a fulltime student part-time worker I may not be able to post/write frequently but relish the chance to improve my (meager) literary skills. (http://fb.countd.eu/cgi-bin/fbstorypage.pl page=111229070707virulence&path;=nospamstory&hilite;=virulence) onwards