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26. Great decisions all around

25. He's a (sky) pirate

24. Back in topside

23. Yep. Shopping.

22. Not a great start

21. A little backstory

20. An awkward reunion

19. On a time limit.

18. Back to Karyn

17. An accidental meeting in a gar

16. Even more of Jon's morning.

15. Continuing in Jon's day.

14. Back to Jon

13. The queen's morning

12. The princess's morning

11. All together now

10. All hail to her majesty

9. Karyn Chooses

8. Further Complications

7. Royalty

Bookmark: Zoe the Book Critic

on 2020-02-08 16:07:36
Episode last modified by Enjeubleu on 2020-02-11 18:34:04

789 hits, 87 views, 1 upvotes.

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From "The Legends of the Hollowed Lands." Chapter 4, page 65.

Any other soul would stare at the beast with all-consuming trepidation. Not Sky King Aymon Skythorne of the Sky Kingdom of Aeyr. A bastion of watchful bravery and righteousness, he gazed unto the beast, nay, foe, with impassioned merriment, all but unaware of the heavy rain cascading down his handsome, well-muscled body. This mattered little, of course. As long as his prized sky-vessel, The Damselfly, could survive the weather, and it could easily survive this weather, he had nothing to worry about.

The Sky-Beast Drachenkampf. All seven of its heads would surely make for exquisite gifts to Her Majesty the High Queen of Tyr. Aymon was sure of it.

“Your orders, Captain?” asked Faylene, the King’s first mate and most trusted confidant.

Aymon smiled his famously proud, confident smile, ready to relay his meticulous strategy that would no doubt win them this battle.

Get me out of here!

Dave was scared and confused and so very wet. This was not his his perfectly normal and safe house. No, this was worse. Much worse!

The weather was bad. Too much rain and too much thunder; Dave could hear almost nothing else and couldn’t understand how he hadn’t yet died from the harsh, unmitigated cold. Why was he wearing so little to cover himself? And why was he bare chested!?

The ship was terrible. Well, it was probably finely crafted and beautiful, but the obscuring rain and significant number of pirates did a fantastic job ruining any nice image it hoped to invoke. That and the distinct lack of observable sea; Dave was becoming aware that this boat was somehow suspended in mid-air, and was very much unhappy with this news.

The worst was the view; a mass of wiggling things and heads was literally just floating in the distance, and the weird sky-boat was flying right at it! Dave was gonna die! They were all gonna die!!

“Your orders, Captain?” asked the pointy-eared woman who somehow wore even less than he was.

We turn around and leave. Please. Please.

“We ride straight into the beast! Full course ahead!”

Zoe was impressed; really and truly. This “novel,” The Legends of the Hollowed Lands, was terrible. And this wasn’t even because of how overdone and wordy the writing was, and it was very overdone and wordy, but because, somehow, the writer managed to introduce some genuinely cool concepts for a few pages, only to never bring them up again.

Like, flying corsairs going around slaying giant flying monsters was badass. Why was there only 6 pages in this door stopper of a book talking about them? That wasn’t even considering all the Elven kingdoms and their various socio-political ties to one another; that was enough for a genuinely interesting piece of contemplative fiction examining how something like politics would interact with new, fantastical elements, like magic!

But no. Mr. male novelist saw it more important to write about Allaria, her generic-ass love triangle, and her giant fucking boobs.

Stupid male novelists.

Her brother and father were stuck in this stupid book. Zoe didn’t see Jon get sucked in, but it was Jon. Of course he’d jump in. He probably brought Karyn too, knowing them both.

No judging, of course. Well, a little bit of judging, Zoe knew Jon had better taste than this bullshit. But for the most part, no judging. After all, it would be pretty sick to be part of anything other than her own boring old reality, even in one as awkwardly written as this.

Fuck, was Zoe actually gonna join in after them? No, that was moronic. She couldn’t just leave Mikey alone, but... it would be a mom week starting tonight, and she could easily tell them that she and Jon were staying at some friends’ houses for a few days.

It would also give her the time to maybe call in some others. Athena might have some insight on that weird bookmark, but Zoe did know a few people who would be a lot more fun to go to fantasy-land with.

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