"Why I'm quite amazed, Mr Macinstosh," Doctor Straad said to his patient. "In fact, I'm surprised you came to me at all!"
"What on Earth do you mean, Doctor?" Graeme was confused. "My sperm count is terrible!"
"Hardly!" Straad scoffed.
Graeme didn't understand what was going on. He said incredulously, "Three weeks ago, you yourself said I had a really low sperm count, that I could be infertile!"
"In all seriousness, Mr Macintosh," Straad replied, "the sample I just tested IS the sample you gave me three weeks ago! Your sperm are still alive and remarkably active after all this time outside the body. I've never seen anything quite like it. Amazing, really!"
"Wait, my sperm can live for three weeks or more outside my body?"
"Mr Macintosh, your sperm could play professional baseball!" Straad guffawed. "I've never seen a specimen as fertile and healthy as yours. You're fine, more than fine. If it wasn't so remarkable I'd say you'd have wasted my time coming here!"
"I'm sorry, I don't believe this!" Graeme groaned. "First you tell me I may be infertile, then you tell me I've the best sperm in the world! What is going on?"
"Mr Macintosh, with all due respect, I never, ever told you your sperm was deficient in any way. I don't know where you got that idea."
"Bullshit! You made a mistake with my file and now you're trying to avoid getting sued by pretending like it never happened! Well I won't stand for it, Doctor!"
"My apologies Mr Macintosh," Straad tried to reason with his angry patient, "but I've no idea what you're talking about!"
"Cram it!" yelled Graeme, as he stormed out of the Doctor's office. "You'll be hearing from my lawyer!"
Graeme parked the car on his driveway and walked towards his front door. He was a little surprised when the door opened in front of him to reveal Carol waiting there for him.
"Honey," she said, smiling. "You'd better come in and sit down. I've got some news for you."
Graeme wiped his feet and followed his wife into the lounge, where he sat beside her on the sofa. Gently she lay her hands on his knee and looked him earnestly in the eyes.
"W-what is it, sweetie?" Graeme was almost too nervous to ask.
"Oh Graeme, I'm pregnant!" Carol replied with glee.
"What!!?" Graeme leapt out of his chair. "Really??"
"Yes, I think so, I took a home pregnancy test this afternoon and it came up positive. I'm going to do another when I next have to pee, to be sure," she added, "But I just had to tell you, I couldn't wait! Isn't it exciting?"
"Oh sweetheart, it's wonderful!" Graeme hugged his wife emphatically. "I can barely believe it..."
"Me neither! We'll finally have a child of our own!"
Graeme declared right away that they should go out for a romantic dinner to celebrate, and they did just that.
