Dennis, as Missy, drove her car down the boulevard. Strangely, she was hungry as hell, and wanted to stop in somewhere for a bite. She decided to go to this little diner she knew. Dennis was a regular customer there.
As she walked in and took a seat, the waitress gave her a menu.
"No, that's alright, I'll just have a Western Omelette and a cup of coffee. Black."
"Okay," said the waitress as she walked away. She looked about 19, probably a college student paying her way. As she walked away, Dennis noticed herself glancing at her ass. She may look like a woman but dammit, she was all man.
As her coffee arrived, she was flipping through a customary newspaper. At that moment, something awkward happened.
"Missy?" said a voice, high pitched and excited.
Dennis, forgetting she was Missy, did not look up.
"Missy, it's me!" the woman said as she sat down across from Dennis. Dennis just stared in horror at this beautiful woman, who was totally unaware that she was not talking to her friend.
"I was just about to call you! What are you doing today?"
"I'm..." she paused between words, desperately trying to get out of this, "very, very busy."
"Oh stop," the woman laughed, "I know you don't do anything on Saturdays. Come on, let's go shopping."
"Uh, I just ordered."
"Okay, fine, we'll do breakfast!" The woman was unstoppable, and was starting to get on Dennis' nerves. She flagged down the waitress and said, "I'll have eggs and toast, and coffee."
Again, Dennis caught herself glancing at the young girls' butt, but the woman caught her on it. "Missy, are you staring? What are you, jealous?"
"Uh, no..." Dennis stopped, "yes." She was not acting at all like the real Missy, but saw no reason to. Maybe if she acted like sour, angry Dennis, the woman would leave her alone.
"Aww, honey, don't worry. You're way cuter." The woman stroked a piece of hair out of Dennis' face, which sent a shiver up her spine. She continued, "so, tell me about this guy you're seeing."
Dennis knew she must've meant Riley. "Uh, he's married." That was about all she knew about the real Riley. Well, there was one other thing she knew. She said, "and his penis is small."
The woman burst out laughing. "Missy, you're a killer!"
Eventually, the food came. They made awkward conversation, which made Dennis miserable. She didn't want to spend a day with this woman... whose name she couldn't ask. Dennis came up with a bit of a plan. During the course of breakfast, Dennis just said,
"Hey were you named after anyone famous?"
"Excuse me?"
"I dunno, I was just wondering if your parents had anyone in mind when they named you." It was an awkward piece of conversation, but it was the only thing Dennis' PI instincts could muster up.
"Lauren Bacall, I think," said the woman, "my parents love old movies."
Dennis ate her meal very fast, like a very hungry man, while Lauren, she noticed, ate more delicately.
"Gee, you must've been starved," Lauren noted.
"Um, yeah. Haven't eaten since yesterday," she said. Lauren laughed at what a weird thing that is to say at breakfast.
As soon as Lauren was done, and the bill was being paid, she said, "so, wanna hit up H&M;? The new spring line is out..."
"No, I can't go," Dennis said, "I'm, um..." she thought 'think, damnit!' then she said, "it's my period?" she guessed it was a good lie.
