"You know how my real name is Lucy? Well, it's really Lucifer. Yes, that Lucifer."
"What? What have you done with my mother?"
"I am your mother, Jon."
"That's the most ridiculous...."
"I told you you didn't want to ask me. And why can't I be anyway? Because Lucifer's a guy? Even you, with just the magic in that stone, can transform."
"And grandpa?"
"He's..." She nearly spit out the word. "human. He's a powerful enough wizard to know that I was hiding something, but he never figured out what it was. Your dad was human and you're half-human. But you're still my son, and I don't want a son of mine to be a goody two-shoes."
"But I'm not evil. Umm... am I evil?"
"No. I'm a fallen angel. You don't automatically become evil if you're the child of a fallen human, why would you become evil if you're the child of a fallen angel? You've watched too many bad movies. Besides, I don't like the idea of 'evil' anyway. How about 'rebel' instead?"
"Why didn't you raise me to be your minion?"
She seemed to be reluctant to answer, but finally the magic of the stone forced her to. "Because if I raised you that way, you'd try to get as much power as you could, which would make you a threat to me. Better that you don't have such ambition. But once I realized what that stone was I knew that it didn't matter that you weren't trying to get power--you already had it. I had no choice but to at least try to get you on my side."
"I see," said Jon. "Tell me, is it evil to look at porn magazines? Or to m--..." Jon had a lot of trouble getting the word out in front of his mother. "To masturbate?"
Jon's mother laughed, loud and hard. "All of this and the question you want to ask me is if it's evil to do that? I could tell you things you've never dreamed about... and instead you want to know about playing with yourself?"
"I'm serious!"
"I'm not a theologian. I have no idea. But I can tell you that I don't go around trying to tempt people into doing it. Unless I think it'll make them feel guilty, anyway."
"What about all the weird stuff Zoe does?"
"Nope. Wearing black isn't evil," she replied, "and most of the things she does that resemble magical rituals don't work anyway. Even if she is half angel."
"Half fallen angel. Which means devil."
"Yes, Jon, half devil."
"Come to think of it, if you're the Devil, show me your true form."
She shimmered and turned into an androgynous white figure with wings.
"That's an angel. I don't see a pitchfork, or a tail or horns," said Jon.
"That's the form I started out with. Would you like to see the horns and tail? It comes from the pagan god Pan, you know, it was an invention of the Church to make pagans look evil. It's not really my natural form."
"Never mind. Mom, I order you, then, to do only good from now on. Oh, and tell me if that'll work."
"No, it won't. I have a certain resistance to magic and the wish to obey you will wear off by lunchtime."
"Well, go and do good for as long as a wish can make you do good. And leave me alone for the rest of the day. I still need to help those other guys you gave vaginas to."
Jon walked off and muttered a wish, teleporting himself to the schoolyard right in front of Karyn. "Karyn," he said, "you won't believe what just happened...."
