Matthew was a late bloomer compared to his friends, but he hoped he'd take after them and grow up into a proper woman. He looked forward to being cool and respected like them, and someday becoming a mother. As with anyone, though, there was the one-third chance things would go differently and he'd end up a nurseman, the hardier sex, male but devoted to sports and other simplistic things. At least, as a boy, the odds were in his favor for growing up as a woman instead of a nurseman.
Maybe it didn't matter much, despite all his worrying. Nursemen weren't much more rugged or violent than women, and there wasn't much discrimination. Either sex could fight, cry, and so on, and it took a woman to bear children and a nurseman to feed them. Still, it'd be weird to end up different than all his friends.
One day in school, his friend Jon seemed even more jumpy than usual. Jon was going through all the emotional surges like Peter and Gerhard, but unlike them he wasn't flaunting how grown-up he was. Matthew had a haze in his mind all day, as though something were deeply wrong with the world, but couldn't guess why. Jon's hand seemed stuck in his pocket and he looked painfully self-conscious when the teacher called on him.
At least, that's how Matthew remembered his past up to that day. Only later would he realize that another past had been stolen from him, and why.
Around the time Jon sat back down after being called on for an embarassing question in Health class, Matthew felt a spike of impending doom. I get these all the time, he tried to tell himself, whenever Peter or Gerhard suggests we go shopping on my credit card. But he couldn't ignore the feeling. Something was wrong with him, wrong with the world! Everything was a lie! He was losing something important and he'd never get it back.
He sniffled and forced back tears, hating himself for being so overwhelmed by nothing, and in front of everyone.
The teacher said, "Jennifer, Matthew looks like he's crying. Could you help him get to the counselor's office? Come right back afterward."
"I-I'm not! I'm fine!" But I'm not, he thought. Why am I denying it? It's just a normal thing. But to be seen like this in public -- ugh!
Jennifer put a muscular hand on his shoulder, which annoyed him, and whispered, "Come on."
"I'm okay." But there were still tears in his eyes.
"No, really. Look, do you want to sit through the rest of class?"
He didn't. He got up, looked at Jon, and wondered why Jon seemed almost as disturbed as himself. Matthew let Jennifer lead him from the room, and decided to find an explanation for that sense of doom.
