I close my eyes and hope. There's nothing I can do, at the moment. Granted, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but for the past five hours since Karyn transformed herself into every jock's dream, I've put a lot of thought into the wording of wishs. Sure, the wish could be taken literally; I could end up with a complete knowledge of Incan culture, and that's all. But, then again, I could also end up being thrust back in time to the 1400s...I'd get my understanding of Inca culture, all right. Through first hand experience.
As the rock finished burning my hand, I opened my eyes, hoping that I was still Jon in the year 2002. Thankfully, I was. My room still remained the same as it always had, my book collection still in the same place, my gaming center still in one piece, and me, the proud new owner of a thorough knowledge of Incan culture.
It is, to be quite frank, a thoroughly strange feeling. Having the complete knowledge of an ancient civilization that has been dead for over 450 years in my head. And, strangely, it all makes sense; the ultimate work ethic, the drive to spread the glory of the sun god, everything. Of course, it also doesn't help me much.
Why? Because, in my infinite genius, I forgot one small factoid; the Incas never bothered developing the written word. So, the carvings on the rock are just what they were before I gained the complete knowledge of an advanced, but thoroughly confused civilization: chicken scratches.
One thing, though, caught my attention. It was written in the same kind of chicken scratches the rest of the carvings were, but somehow I understood them. "Or'ca ai reis'ya," I mumble to myself, before the translation becomes apperant, "Grandpa was here?!"
Now that's one hell of a coincidence if I've ever heard one. Guess I was right about Grandpa after all. But, before I can try to figure out what the translatable inscription means, my phone starts ringing. I make a quick dash and answer it. Thankfully, it's only Karyn; anyone else and I'd probably just hang up.
"Like, Jon, where are you?!" I hear the female on the other end of the line call out. It sounds like Karyn...kinda, but different somehow. She, quite literally, sounds more "blonde" than at school today, if that's at all possible.
"Hey Karyn," I answer as nonchalantly as I possibly can, "what's up?"
"Hello! You're like, ya know, an hour late!" She said, in something resembling a perky growl. Something is most definitely wrong here. Granted, Karyn can be cheery, but she never, ever would be called, or allow anyone to call her, perky.
"Late for what?" I reply, again trying to stay cool. I find myself clutching the stone, trying to surpress the urge to mumble "I wish I knew what was going on here".
"Honey, you're so annoying when you play dumb! But, you're also so cute!" she giggled. By God, she actually giggled. In the thirteen years I've known her, which consists of a larger share of my life then I'd care to remember, I've never heard her giggle. Of course, that's just the tip of the iceberg. I swear I can feel something soggy in my shorts from her calling me "honey".
Thankfully, though, she picked up where she left off. "You know Honey, after I got home from cheerleading practice, you were like, supposed to come over here and help me with my Comparative Government paper." She said, with the same eerie perkiness that had haunted the entire conversation.
My jaw almost dropped to the floor. At this point, I started to realize that, somehow, the rock had truly screwed something up. Karyn, my best friend and pureblooded anime otaku, had been apparently turned into a perky blonde stereotypical cheerleader. Who, somewhere along the way, I had managed to start dating. It took all my strength to keep from passing out, right there.
"Paper on what?" I ask sheepishly, still trying to milk out what else the rock has done. I really didn't like the response.
"Like, duh!" She replies, "Ya know, the Iron Triangle of Philadelphia, Peking, and Cuzco; Republican Government, True Democracy, and Absolute Monarchy. It was your idea, after all."
I quickly mumble something about being right over and rush over to my globe. I should've known what to expect; the map of South America has been radically redrawn. The nations of Peru and Chile are completely gone, as are chunks of what once were Columbia, Brazil, and Argentina. They all were now unified under one banner; the Imperial Empire of the Inca. I quickly flip the globe around to the other side of the world, to China. In big bold letters what had once said "People's Republic of China" now read "People's Democracy of China". What once had been Red China now has been splintered off into the "People's Republic of Manchuria", Tibet, and the DMC. Thankfully, in this radically screwed up world, the US remains fairly intact; it appears that all 50 states are still there...along with some change. Guess we succeeded in wringing Cuba out of whatever power held it.
As my quick geographic refresher, I get back to pondering the bigger question; what the hell is going on? I grasp the rock and throw my hands up into the air and scream "I wish I knew what the Hell was going on here!"
This time, though, I know what I'm doing. I hope I can get some answers as the rock starts to glow...
