Alan wasn't too thrilled at having to let Susan drive, but there really was no choice. According to his driver's license he was supposed to be nine inches taller and male. It was just as well anyway because he was finding that everything was a distraction. Susan had parked just outside the Neiman-Marcus and stood waiting for Alan to get out of the passenger seat. His first attempt was off balance in the heels and he fell back into the seat. Feeling stupid, Alan accepted Susan's hand for balance and exited more carefully.
"You can't walk like that Alan." Susan admonished as they headed toward the store.
"Like what?"
"Like that! You've got your head down watching yourself jiggle and your shoulders are all hunched forward like you have back problems. Hold you head up, look forward, shoulders back. Walk with pride!"
"If I do that, these things will stick out even more?" Alan objected.
"Yes, and they'll bounce more too." Susan laughed. "You can't look timid or embarrassed. You're good looking and you know it. You're royalty, you're a queen."
"That's the problem, I feel like a queen. A flaming queen." Alan said as he self consciously followed his wife's instructions.
"Stop fidgeting with your hands. Just walk. What are you doing now? Susan fussed.
"I'm missing my stuff. No wallet, no keys, no change, I don't even have pockets!"
"Dresses don't have pockets. We'll get you a purse to occupy your hands."
"That's just great..." Alan grumbled.
Susan quietly delighted in the looks they were getting from passing men. The double takes were good, but when one guy did a triple take and elbowed his buddy, she had to hiss "Don't !" to Alan when he started to respond to their blatant stares.
Entering Neiman-Marcus, Susan feigned unfamiliarity with the store and guided Alan along a very slow roundabout path that oddly avoided the women's undergarment section. Catching sight of a busty little sixteenish blonde leaving a fitting room. Susan watched as she replaced a pair of low rider jeans on the rack. Taking a long circuit around blouses and back to the target jean rack, Susan casually paused and picked up the jeans."
"I don't think you can wear those." Alan said.
"Not at the moment I can't." Susan smiled and winked.
"Oh!" Alan grinned in return.
Carrying her jeans, Susan finally guided Alan to the much needed women's undergarment section and carefully explained to the sales clerk that her cousin Ellen had just arrived from Europe and that the airline had lost her luggage and she needed to be fitted for a bra. In fact she would need several; plain, strapless, minimizing, and sports.
"OK honey, what size are you?" The clerk asked.
Panicked, Alan's eyes got big and he did what any guy would do, he pretended not to speak English. "Ja Ja" Alan said pointing to his own chest.
"This might take a while." The clerk sighed.
"That's OK. I'll check back in about an hour." Susan said grinning at Alan's dismay and waving as she wandered off into the bowels of the store.
Susan had never shopped so fast in her life. Flying though virtually every clothing department in the store. She selected some brand new things still sealed in plastic, particularly socks and hose of different sizes. More fun was targeting specific people. Rather than wait to see if they tried something on, she simply picked something like a jacket or hat and approached them with various lines like: "I have a niece/nephew about you size/age, could I see how this looks on you?" Among the people she'd gotten to try things on was a very athletic college age guy and cheerleader type girlfriend, a medium height flaming personal trainer having a tiff with his boyfriend, an over endowed eleven year old girl wearing way too much makeup, several teens both boys and girls, even an enormously pregnant woman who looked like she might need an ambulance momentarily was enticed to model a shawl.
Susan saw Alan stand as she approached.
"What's in all the bags?" Alan demanded.
"Never mind, you'll find out later. You look great! See? I told you that you needed a bra."
"I admit it's a lot more comfortable and I don't jiggle as much, but look at this! I have cleavage, and I stick out so far I arrive before I get there. I think I'd like to just go home. By the time we go to bed an wake up, the 12 hours will be up and we can fix this. Right?"
"Alright. Here help me carry some of these bags and ... oh wait. You don't have anything to sleep in. We'll have to stop and get you something. Ooh! This'll be fun!" Susan leared.
"I don't think that's necessary, I ...."
"Yes it is. By the way, you won't be sleeping on your stomach tonight either." Susan cackled.
