Recent comments

"Jon was the boy who wished this game into existence, and Emily is the main character of this game. It doesn't matter if one became the other, they are not considered the same as long as Emily is part of the game."

I guess that explains why the wish confirmation didn't work. ;)

Wonderful story by the way. You've really made something special here.

I even asked on the discord for the plurial of AI before posting, but I guess it would be better to just make it singular whenever I can, thanks.

(Also, I think you placed the "the" in the wrong place in your first correction)

"No. They have normal AIs." This one too. Consider either "No. They have the normal AI." or "No. They are normal AIs." I would say both of these are unambiguously correct.

English nitpick!

"Do they have advanced AIs?" the plural here depends on exactly what you mean, though I think in this case it should be singular since you're talking about the type of AI not an instance. Phrasing it as "Do they have advanced the AI?" makes it unambiguously not the plural.

"like them got advanced AIs, but" Same thing here, probably should be singular, consider adding "the".

"Advanced AI will be able to see the player" this one is also tricky, but should probably be plural, since you're talking about the instances of the AI... Maybe rephrasing as "An advanced AI would be able to see the player and interact with them" which removes the trickyness by changing the subject of the sentence to a single hypothetical instance.

(Another area this sort of trickyness shows up in English is code/codes for software source code. In my experience programmers/software engineers almost never pluralize "code" while scientist who program as part of their work in another field do, treating the word as referring to a program as a whole, where programmers view is that it's a collective noun. So basically don't take my version as the absolute truth above, other native speakers might disagree with me. Consider rephrasing to avoid the debatable instances if you don't want to think about it too much.)

product is both singular and plural. :P @bigbustgazer

Just two little fixes!

"Alchemy and skin care product?" should be "Alchemy and skin care products?"

"I have more standard potion too." should be "I have more standard potions too."

Thank you! I made the corrections you pointed out. I know I can make a lot of errors and I really apprectiate what you did.

Just want to add in that I'm enjoying this storyline! I'm only posting the English corrections because you say on your profile that you're open to it and I like what you're doing!

English fixes!

"You're pretty good with kid." should be "You're pretty good with kids."

"She had stopped laughing while she talked to Lyla." This one isn't wrong at all, but consider replacing at least one, probably both, of the "she's" with a name, it's confusing since it's not obvious when you get to the word which of the 3 possible characters it means.

"the mastery you gain with this type of weapon and the more proficient Emily will be at wielding it" seems to me that it should be "the more mastery you gain with a type of weapon the more proficient Emily will be at wielding it"

More English fixes!

"other tutorial before and" should read "earlier tutorials and"

"any better idea." should be "any better ideas."

More English help!

"after some time passed or after you did something." should read "after some time has passed or after you do something."

"was still even more crowded" should be either "was even more crowded" or "was still more crowded", though the second one is better used as a comparison to some thing that comes next in the sentence. That is something like "was still more crowded than earlier", but this structure doesn't really fit in with the rest of the sentence.

"don't take any risk." while what's there isn't actually wrong, it would be more usual to say "risks" here. Explaining why is hard and I'm not sure how to do it.

"go in this alley" should probably be phrased as "go down that alley"

More little fixes

"what other thought" should be "what others thought"

"trying to calm her nerve and" should be "trying to calm her nerves and"

"her, giving her one question," not exactly wrong but would probably be better as "her, allowing her one question," or "her, allowing her to ask one question,"

"a lot of reaction," should be "a lot of reactions,"

More little English corrections!

"protagonist if it did" probably should replace "it" with either "he" or "they" and change later in the sentence to match.

"studying Incas." should read "studying the Inca."

"searched about Incas" again, "the Inca"

More grammar!

"Emily want to buy" should be "Emily wants to buy"

"equipments" should be "equipment"

More English nitpicks!

"habitants" should be "inhabitants"

"middle age" should be "Middle Ages"

"no dirty spot," should be "no dirty spots,"

"How is there so many tutorial in a game?" should be "How are there so many tutorials in this game?"

"isn't too much people" should be "aren't too many people"

"diverse clothings." should be "diverse clothing."

"Those are the only" should be ""These are the only"

"but she suddenly noticed something." this is a matter of preference or taste, but I think it would be better to just say "but she noticed something." You don't need to intensify here.

Little corrections:

"how many effect an item" "effect" should be plural

"house they came from" not really wrong but consider "house they'd come from"

"empty of lives but" I'm not sure what's intended, but consider just removing "of lives", here "empty" would be clear from context that it's not actually totally empty, just no people.

"sleep on it" means have a think about something for a while, I'm not sure that's what you intended here.

"who travel with only" should read "who travels with only"

"What? No! Why are you asking that?" nothing actually wrong here, but would be more natural for Jon to phrase it as "What? No! Why would you ask that?"

"the games I'm" probably should just be one "game" here.

"supposed to be enjoying is doing that." would be more natural as "supposed to be enjoying would do that."

"But I don't think you would be so careful as to write your wish to finally not read part of it..." Is a bit weird, "But I don't think you would be so careful as to write your wish and so careless as to not read part of it..." would be a little better... I'm not really sure how best to phrase this.

"be a lot of longer road than that" is not grammatically correct, maybe "be a lot of much longer roads than that later"

"well get the furthest possible" should read "well get as far as possible"

Little corrections!

"Green eyes now adorned her face," "adorned" is probably the wrong word. It has connotations of something being added on for decoration, not being part of something. I can't think of a good word to put in there, probably better to rephrase. Something like "Her eyes were now green rather than brown, though they didn't look any more magical".

"homeworks"/"homework" again

"Their meaning have already" should be "Their meaning has already"

Little corrections:

"Information" and "homework" both don't pluralize, they already refer to a collection, so in every case "homeworks" should be "homework" and "informations" should be "information".

Past tense of "to leave" is "left" not "leaved"

"but there were no habitations nearby" is grammatically fine... but sounds weird. "houses" would improve it. Probably best to rephrase, drop "but" just say that there wasn't anything nearby, Probably in it's own sentence rather than being joined onto the one about the yard and road.

Caught more little errors!

typo: bas should be bad

"how his equipments gave him" "equipment" doesn't pluralize, it's a collective noun.

"have to buy a new one" "panties" is always acts as a plural, even when talking about one piece of clothing, so this should be "have to buy new ones"

"He arrived in a large piece more" I don't know what you intended here, maybe "place" instead of "piece" but maybe "room" would be better?

Just a note: caught some errors

"Wait! The game answer you when you ask a question?" should probably be "Wait! The game answered you when you asked it a question?" there are a few other ways to phrase it but I think that's the smallest change that is correct.

"While you were distracted, you didn't answer one of my question", "question" should be plural.

"I out of the game." should read "I'm out of the game.", though correct, that still sounds weird to me, "I'm not in the game" sounds better to me.

"reached into the wardrobe and picked the garments..." is missing an "up" ("picked up the")

"didacticial" isn't a word I'm familiar with and I'm not sure what was intended, "dialog" maybe?

"sweared" past tense of "to swear" is "swore"

"should have started by something else" should read "should have started with something else"

"closed his eyes a second to" is not wrong but would more often be phrased "closed his eyes for a second to"

Yes, if you wanted to put things in line with the way the stone works I would recommend editing your existing stories to either remove their awareness or as Ctbro said you could include it in the wish that they are aware. Though heh, as we know from the writing. Not always an advisable thing to do when changing people without asking.

This is a solid start to a conjoined story for Karyn. I like it.

Such a classic first quest. Reminded me of fighting rats in Candlekeep in original Baldurs Gate game ;)

A Rat? The Fighter's Guild is making the apprentices fight rats? LOL

Nice chapter! Would love if you had time and wanted to. To add to the switching stone. If not I understand

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoy it.

For what you mentionned, it's not an inconsistancy, I don't know if I will do something with it in the future so... Maybe spoiler ahead? It's nothing major anyway.

Jon and Emily are the same person, but for the game, Emily is the main character of the game and it can't treat her like a player, but it needs to have a template for what Jon as a player would like, and so, they are treated like 2 different persons. (That can change later if I have a better idea, but that's how I see it right now)

I also highly enjoy this thread. Thank you for the hard work! I may be wrong, but I think there may be one inconsistency with wishes introduced in "Jon wishes to be a video game protagonist" episode: Jon made a wish "I wish my life would become more like the life of a protagonist from a video game I would enjoy!". If the game does not consider Emily to be the same person as Jon, then this wish might not have been granted. After all, Jon referred to his life in the wish. Of course you may have plans to explain that down the road. I have some suspicions, as it seems other wishes: about not modifying mind, or having way out, also have not worked. And even if not, and this is inconsistency, I believe that it does not impact the current story in any considerable way. Thanks!

Thank you. As for Karyn, I'm not sure where this will go. I tend to let the characters write themselves, so I don't know in advance how they will turn out from here, but I do intend to have her abuse her power at some point, even if she might regret it later.

Bunnie,
I was going for some alliteration, as far as I am aware they have slightly different meanings, lissome meaning slim, lithe meaning more like flexible or supple

I love your story, please continue! An advice: I would like to see Karyn a little more evil and devious vs Jon/Emily. She has a great power and I would like she use it.

Hey! I'm really enjoying your role exchanger story! It's a great way to destress on a Sunday. I'd love to see where this goes. Are there any more swaps between people coming? Like Mikey and Sarah, the dad and a little girl? Those kind of chapters have appeared before but no one ever developed them. It's your story. I hope you're having as much fun as we are reading it! If you do choose those paths though, I'd love to see where they go! I'll be checking this story all day cus I'm so excited! Thanks for all your hard work!

@Ansem: In theory, it could edited so that he wished for her to be aware of the change as if she had been in ear shot.

12 years, and still being read. :)

"lithe and lissome" was such an odd phrase. I had to go look up what lissome was. It means lithe. So... Lithe and lithe?

Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

love this story line, keep up the great work!

This one is really freakin' good. Nice work!

Thank you. I'm happy you like it!

I edited the chapter to change the description, thanks for pointing it out.

Just wanted to let you know that I feel as if this branch has a potential to become a great story. It's very enjoyable so far! Thank you for your work!

Also, my english is far from perfect, but it seems that you might have missed a word in magic mirror description... If I'm right, could you post the corrected description in comment?

This is a really neat premise! I’m excited to see where you go with it.

I may write a side episode to set that all up. If you Google it, Karyn = Buffy, Athena = Giles, Zoe = Willow or Dawn.

Should note I know absolutely nothing about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I'm down for background gags

Just in case there is any doubt, In the background I am setting up a Buffy the Vampire slayer situation for Karyn and the gang.

Ack, I sure feel like a jerk now. Been a busy summer, I can only apologize. If there's a statute of limitations on this sort of thing, it has certainly passed by now. I still want to continue my thing, but I don't know when it will happen and I can't reasonably ask you to wait for me.

Go have at it, whoever feels like it :)